A match report from ages ago with no picture

We were away when this was sent. It doesn't matter though. All of the match reports thus far have been timeless - this one included.

This is from Liz who has conspicuously omitted a Graham Onions joke towards the end.

Surrey v Durham, The Oval, Sunday 8th July

I am unable to comment on the play as I got there two hours late, left two hours early, and spent much of the interim reading the paper. I can report on the food though.

Poorly planned picnics at the Oval are limited in what foodstuffs can be included. We had imagined maybe some baguettes with grapes and stilton - ooh, maybe dolcelatte. We forgot of course that these levels of groceries are unavailable in the immediate environs of the Oval. You'd probably have to go to Kennington Tesco for that kind of thing.

The nearest 'Food and Wine' to the tube yielded vacuum-packed chorizo and jarlsberg though, slightly stale bread, some greasy kabano and spicy plantain chips, washed down with cans of John Smiths. Ideal.

Lots of small boys were getting the players to autograph their tiny souvenir cricket bats. One of our co-spectators wished she had brought some parmesan for Steve Harmison to sign - 'What a caesar salad that would be - Harmison Parmesan'. Phil Mustard probably gets fed up of people asking him to sign their Colemans.