Canada's ace by the way

Some of you live in Canada and are therefore aware of this fact. The rest of you: Seriously, it's really good.

It's big and roomy, they've got loads of good beer now and there are even parts that are hot and sunny. They don't tell you about those bits.

Canadians are great too. For some reason they're not all surly and stupid like normal people are. They'll delight in accurately guessing where you're from as well - based on the Australian accent that you've apparently developed of late.

The only downside as far as we can see, is that there's no cricket. We know that you can get all sorts of stuff on the internet, but that's not enough. You, like us, need to live in a proper cricket culture. So we've got a solution.

We'll all move to Canada and set up our own community.

Wait. Don't run away. Think about it at least. There's bags of room in Canada. We can probably even find a warm bit with no-one in. We'll buy up the whole valley and create a new town. A glorious place where the sun beats down on white-clad autistic-types who deal in a strange currency of runs and wickets.

Now: Can anyone do anything - anything at all - remotely useful. It's just that obviously we can't and we kind of need someone to build all the houses and find a place to keep the electricity and work out how to make water and stuff like that.