It's a crippling defeat!

We damn near suffered a cardiac arrest we were that surprised by the result of the fifth Test. England were pretty much down and out and they - sod it, let's use the word one more time - capitulated.

114-5 overnight, became 147 all out. See here if you really want to know our thoughts about that exact brand of English incompetence. And so the Ashes were returned to Australia as if they were some kind of burden that England wanted rid of.

Next we get the one-dayers and England really ARE crap at those. Don't be fooled by New Zealand either, they're ranked third in the world. England are eighth.

We're so dispirited that we're actually going to go and do some work, rather than read about cricket. That's how bad it's got.

Australia 393 and 46-0
England 291 and 147

Australia regain the Ashes 5-0 and don't seem remotely disappointed that there wasn't much competition for them.