Australia take jaw-dropping victory

Wow. Glad we're not English.

If we were English, we'd be sickened that a side who scored 551-6 in their first innings contrived to be bowled out for just 129 in their second innings. We'd be incensed that not one batsman managed to stick with Paul Collingwood in order to save this game.

We'd be utterly downhearted at England being two-nil down in a five match series - particularly when they'd performed so positively and encouragingly earlier in the match.

If we were English, all the memories of past Ashes catastophes would be welling up in our mind with grotesque familiarity.

Oh, wait - we are English.