Damien Martyn announces retirement due to substandard maths

This is a turn-up. Damien Martyn's announced his immediate retirement from all forms of cricket. He's done this in the middle of the Ashes citing a lack of motivation to perform at his best as a reason. Seems unlikely.

Cricket Australia guy, James Sutherland, rather generously confirmed that Martyn would have been in Australia's side for the third Test. Can we speculate that maybe this is a lie? Our theory is that the selectors told Martyn that he was going to be dropped and asked him if he'd like to make a more dignified exit from Test cricket. We could be wrong.

The other reason Martyn gave for his retirement was that the current Ashes series challenges "require people who are more than 100% committed, dedicated, disciplined and passionate about the game."

Amateur mathematicians among you will realise the schoolboy error that Martyn has made here. Could it be that Damien Martyn has been ravaged with guilt at only producing 100% commitment, little-knowing that no-one can produce more. Could it be that Damien Martyn is 100% dedicated, 100% disciplined and 100% passionate about the game and has retired as a result of a mathematical misunderstanding?

He adds that those around him are "entitled to expect more than 100%." They really aren't, Damien. That's totally unreasonable.

Either way, it begs the question: Who's got the craziest eyes in cricket now?

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Wednesday, May 02, 2012


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3 Comments:

Anonymous Mahinda said...

The craziest eyes in cricket?

Murali, surely?! I mean, he looks like a demon when he's bowling. We actually think he might _be_ a demon - a friendly demon, but a demon nonetheless.

10:39 am  
Blogger The Scientician said...

And Shoaib's got some crazy bulging out eyes some times too. Much like some of the guys who lift crazy weights in my local gym.

1:04 pm  
Anonymous Jonny said...

The craziest eyes I ever saw was in under-13s school cricket. The fastest bowler I ever faced - his run up was from the boundary! Although, his massive, horse-like nostrils steaming down towards me was my main memory.

Out for six.

11:06 am  

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