A mountain viscacha being conspicuously indifferent to Rob Key

We got this from Simon C very early on and have been saving it.



Simon says: "You will be delighted to know that your very own Rob Key picture actually contains an animal being conspicuously indifferent to cricket.

"Using image enhancement software, we can clearly see a mountain viscacha in the crowd, engaging in the mountain viscacha's normal diurnal behaviour of sleeping upright.

"It is completely unaware of Rob Key's century, although to be fair, Rob Key is completely unaware of the viscacha.

"I have given Rob a flaming sword for verisimilitude."

Rob Key, flaming swords, indifferent animals - unusual ones at that. It's a tour de force. We'll even overlook the use of the word 'verisimilitude'.

Thanks Simon C.

More animals being conspicuously indifferent to cricket

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A magnificent picture of Rob Key

Chris asks: "What does Mark Ramprakash get for another 2,000 run season?"



"Robimus Prime, of course."

The irony is that the only person worthy of receiving such a magnificent Transformer is of course Rob Key.

Some of you might be underwhelmed by the name 'Robimus Prime' believing it to be a half-arsed reworking of 'Optimus Prime'. You're wrong.

When Optimus Prime died after an epic battle with Megatron, Hot Rod rose to become leader of the Autobots and in so doing transformed into 'Rodimus Prime'.

So you see, 'Robimus Prime' is actually perfectly true to the Transformer naming system. It's not our fault that the naming system's really stupid.

Robimus Prime would be a magnificent leader. He'd never set a 7-2 field and instruct a fellow Autobot to bowl wide of a Decepticon's off stump.

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A serene picture of Rob Key

Chris sent us this, saying: "It's what Rob does at Canterbury when not scoring hundreds."



This does rather seem to hint at Rob's mortality. Deities aren't mortal.

Chris sent a phenomenally good picture after this one, so we don't feel bad about injecting that very faint note of criticism. You'll have to look forward to that effort. It's worth the wait. This is nice too, but it's not quite so magnificent as its successor.

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Licence to score double hundreds against the West Indies

This is from Dan:



So what's it all about Dan?

"He's a spy with a licence to kill who gets all the hot chicks."

We feel the accompanying text enriches the picture no end.

More! More!

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Rob Key - leader of men

The Atheist, of Are You A Left Arm Chinaman? fame, sent us this:



What it's about: "Here is Rob Key as a heroic Saxon king leading his mighty army into battle. A sight familiar to all loyal Kent fans."

Would you dare mess with the great man? No, of course not. Why would you be on any side other than Rob Key's anyway. That would be ludicrous.

Today's a special day, so we're putting up a bonus Rob Key picture later on.

As most of you know, it's the first Test against the West Indies today - at Lord's. The last time the Windies toured, the first Test at Lord's featured no fewer than 221 runs off the bat of Rob Key in England's first innings.

It's not stretching things too far to say that was the best day ever - of all of them. It was the best day in history. We couldn't have reached that day without a whole load of other things happening first, like the Big Bang or the development of the opposable thumb or the invention of cricket, but these things were all just tiny footsteps towards the ultimate goal: Rob Key thrashing 221 in a Test match.

Lord knows why we bother carrying on really.

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Rob Key being number one

Mike from Flintoff's Ashes recently published this on his site:



He didn't think we'd want it. He was wrong.

For one thing, it's a picture of Rob Key and as has already been established, all Rob Key pictures are beautiful. For another thing, it says: 'I'm #1 so why try harder' on Rob's shirt. Rob is number one. Why should he try harder.

Thanks, Mike.

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A grandiose picture of Rob Key

Don't think we've finished. We've got plenty more beautiful pictures of Rob Key up our sleeves. Miriam sent us this:



The blurb: "It's not beautiful, but it is a picture of Rob Key. He's meant to be wearing a superhero cape and pointing some kind of light sabre thingy. For the avoidance of doubt, the emblem on his tiara is a key."

We're not sure Rob would wear a tiara - surely it would be a crown. Otherwise, this is great work.

We'll have to pick Miriam up on the first sentence as well. We've never read anything so contradictory in our life. It's NOT beautiful, but it IS a picture of Rob Key? 'Beautiful' and 'picture of Rob Key' are virtually synonymous.

We should really change the tautologous name of this feature with that fact in mind.

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Rob Key covered in glory

He's practically dripping with the stuff (glory).



This was sent in by Sasha, who says: "Try not to stare at it for too long - the magnificence will blind you."

We've been testing this on your behalf and can reassure you that you can wallow in the opulent splendour for up to 25 minutes without blinking before you get a really bad headache and have to go for a bit of a lie down.

We haven't had confirmation from Sasha yet, but we're pretty certain that's a capybara in the foreground. The inclusion of a weird animal is a masterstroke.

It also gives us an opportunity to elaborate on the Rob Key myth. Clearly Rob is now part of the Hindu pantheon and the capybara is his 'vehicle', just as Shiva rides a bull and Ganesh rides a rat.

Sasha sent this as well:



This is a cheap shot.

We had another email, from Miriam, who wrote in to point out that it's Rob Key's birthday tomorrow. Obviously, we've got the date stencilled on our cerebellum, but we can't read it there, so we're glad she reminded us. Hopefully today's output is a suitable tribute to the great man.

Happy birthday, Rob.

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A beautiful picture of Rob Key

'Suave' sent us this:



We are very happy with this picture as it includes both a halo AND fire.

Suave sent us another picture prior to this and we were toying with including that one as well, but in the end we couldn't justify it. It's exactly the same as this one, only without the fire.

We've got a friend who's a graphic designer. He'd doubtless be outraged by the standard of this submission, but fortunately he doesn't really read the site.

In his own words: "I just read the comments. You write too much."

Today's shaping up to be the best day ever on King Cricket and the best part is that we haven't had to lift a finger.

At about lunchtime there'll be an animal being indifferent to cricket. Finally, around mid-afternoon, there'll be another beautiful picture of Rob Key.

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