Ian Bell and Paul Collingwood skulk around patiently

Ian Bell made 132 and Paul Collingwood 80 in England's drawn tour match against South Australia. Neither player was entirely certain of his Test place at the start of the tour, despite Bell averaging 47.66 and Collingwood 41.08. Now that Marcus Trescothick has returned home, both seem certain to start the first Test.

Marcus Trescothick is pretty much irreplaceable, but both these players deserve their place in the side, so 'every cloud' and all that. Both have a point to prove against Australia, however. During the last series, Ian Bell seemed to make a conscious decision to leave any of Shane Warne's deliveries that were straight and on the stumps. This was a bad ploy. Paul Collingwood played just the final Test, where he scored the finest 10 in living memory.

Along with Alastair Cook, Australia will look on these two as the weak links in England's batting line-up, but that might not be the case. Paul Collingwood is England's most adcaptable and determined batsman - one who has earned his place in the side in the truest sense. Ian Bell is arguably their classiest. In front of us is a copy of Indian magazine The Sportstar, dated April 6, 2002. Inside is an article about Ian Bell being the answer to England's problems at number three. It's been a long time coming, but he's still only 24 and his best years are unarguably ahead of him.

Stop sneering at Paul Collingwood

Paul Collingwood's been quite firmly branded with the 'makes the most of his talent' tag. It's pissing us off. 'Making the most of your talent' is a prerequisite for any international sportsman. The insinuation is that he makes the most of not a lot of talent.

At least one cricket writer described Collingwood as 'out of his depth' after England's first innings. He's not. He just scored 96.

It's patronising to talk like this, but mostly it's inaccurate. Paul Collingwood's not from the Mark Richardson, 'three shots including the forward defensive', school of batting - Richardson's Test average was 44.77, incidentally. He's got plenty of shots. In fact, gifted wunderkind, Alastair Cook, said after they'd both scored hundreds together earlier in the year that he was having trouble getting the ball off the square and that he admired Collingwood's ability to manoevre the ball and keep the scoreboard ticking over. Who was the grafter there?

You'd think that England supporters raised on an inspid diet of Graeme Hick and Mark Ramprakash would recognise that a God-given talent is by no means the most important factor determining a batsman's success. Ask Steve Waugh. In fact do, because Steve Waugh once said that he thought Paul Collingwood was good.

Paul Collingwood: Another nurdling, nudging, gritty triumph

That title's ironic, by the way. We hate it when people use those words about Paul Collingwood , even if his innings perhaps merits it (except for the word 'triumph' - we don't mind that one). You just get the feeling that people are delighted that he's living up to his reputation. He's not though, because, as we all know, it's reputed that he's out of his depth.

Out of his depth and technically ill-equipped to bat at four, Paul Collingwood has once again fluked his way into the nineties. Please let him get two more runs tomorrow. He's on 98 not out and he deserves a hundred. Sometimes hundreds are all that counts. People say things like: "He hasn't passed three figures in his last ten Test matches" and stuff like that. You could have been averaging 80, but 99 is bottling it; 100 is influencing the course of a match.

Paul Collingwood's twice been out for 96, so presumably he's past the bit where he gets nervous and will be sleeping soundly like we'll be doing tonight, during the afternoon session, awash with curry and beer.

Paul Collingwood - an Ashes double hundred

At the start of play last night, we were nervous because Paul Collingwood was 98 not out. We needn't have worried, because he got his hundred.

And then he got another one.

We always get massively carried away at times like this, but Paul Collingwood is rapidly becoming one of our favourite cricketers. In our current state, with England's towering total acting like the strongest of opiates, we'd say that there was no player we respect more. He's the complete antithesis of the effete, spineless England batsmen who used to crumble at the first 'g'day'.

Someone wrote a headline in a nameless Aussie paper last week: "Is this England's worst ever number four" accompanied by a picture of Collingwood. We've still got a few slices of humble pie left over from the last Test. In fact, we'd better provide that person with the recipe. They'll probably need to go into business mass-producing the stuff.

You can say that this is a flat pitch - and it is - but Paul Collingwood scored 206 against Glenn McGrath, Shane Warne, Brett Lee and the increasingly impressive Stuart Clark. How flat can a pitch be? That's a fair variety of bowling as well. You can't say he hasn't been tested.

Out of his depth? Technically ill-equipped to bat at four? Those are weak arguments now, surely. Weaker than our will to 'get things done'.

The King Cricket review of 2006

We were all set to do a big retrospective thing today. We went back and read all the posts over the last year (at least the headlines anyway). We even made notes. Then we looked at our notes and it looked like some kind of BBC-type article. We don't do articles like that as well as the BBC does. They don't get distracted by blind prejudice or petty vendettas or anything like that.

So instead we just sat still for a minute and tried to think if anything stood out from the cricketing year. Then we wrote down what we'd thought of on a piece of paper. Then we typed up what was on the piece of paper.

Murali Week

Bloody hell. Will you look at the size of that heading. We should probably have just put it in bold, but we didn't just learn loads of technical internet stuff for no reason. We're about as technically-minded as a slow-witted hamster suffering from dementia, so if we know something, we use it.

The first thing that we remembered happening during 2006 was that we declared that the second week in March should eternally be known as 'Murali Week'. The reasons for this are that this year, during that week, our man Muttiah Muralitharan passed one or two landmarks.

They were as follows: 1,000 international wickets. At the time of writing he was the only person to have achieved this. He also played in his 100th Test during this period. He took his 600th Test wicket and his 50th Test five wicket haul. His FIFTIETH. No-one else is within a country mile of that. Take our word for it.

Paul Collingwood: More than 'a bit of ginger'

That heading's even longer. There's no hiding from a heading like that.

Also during Murali week, elsewhere in the world, Paul Collingwood hit his first Test century. This probably wasn't a big deal for most people. But we were massively impressed. It was a blinding hundred.

England were playing India and after various injuries and personal problems for others, Paul Collingwood was finally being given a chance for England. Very few people were particularly interested. Having batted admirably in Pakistan prior to this series, Collingwood went one better in the first Test against India.

To further put this innings into context, England's injury-depleted squad had fallen from their Ashes high by getting soundly beaten in Pakistan and had been looking shaky against spin in India, as always. Overnight, they were 246-7 and Paul Collingwood was 53 not out with Hoggard, Harmison and Panesar to aid him.

The tail wagged. England make 393 and Paul Collingwood 134 not out. Most impressively, he managed to coax a 66 run last wicket partnership out of Monty Panesar, who had been depicted as some sort of poor-man's Phil Tufnell up until that point.

At a stroke, England could play spin and had a chance in the series. Paul Collingwood was to be taken seriously and respected and Monty Panesar was deemed 'not terrible' with the bat.

Rob Key lighting up the world like ten blazing suns becoming supernovae

As with any other year, the undisputed highlight of 2006 was Rob Key lighting up the world like ten blazing suns becoming supernovae. This year, it was a hundred for England A against Pakistan that did the trick.

We've only used that picture on the right because we've never used it before. In truth, it's not a particularly good one. He actually looks quite trim, for one thing.

If you've more spare time than you know what to do with, why not send us a nice picture of Rob Key with a halo or on a throne or with a backdrop of fire or something. We can assure you that we'll be happy with what you produce. Even if it's shit.

Paul Collingwood's double hundred against Australia

There's nothing to add to that. It was a rare high-point on an Ashes graph of pleasure that more resembled one of those Japanese dining tables. You know: Low and flat.

Unsung Paul Collingwood had his day on the biggest stage. He did what so few English batsmen are capable of and went on to a BIG hundred. Aussie bowlers toiled. We cheered. It was magic.

Then England made a complete balls of the whole thing by throwing the match away. In the second innings Paul Collingwood was left on 22 not out, batting at four no less. That's exactly the kind of thing that's rendered Paul Collingwood's double hundred so priceless. It stands a mile above everything else, like King Kong's dad frowning at some sea-monkeys.

Happy New Year

There you go. Sorry that the article's so massive, but it is a whole year, you know. Normally we split these things up into chunks, but we wanted to keep it all together today in the spirit of summarising (yes, there is such a spirit). There was other stuff too, but it didn't always get defined by a moment. Either that or it's been done to death and we're sick of it.

However, there should be a special mention for the day when we were at Old Trafford when Steve Harmison, but more importantly, Monty Panesar, bowled England to victory against Pakistan. That was really something and Monty Panesar is really the big thing this year, we guess. We just didn't have anything funny to say about him on this occasion, as you'll be able to tell as you near the end of this paragraph.

Maybe we'll do some predictions for the coming year in a few days. Who knows? More likely we'll forget or our mind will feel lumpen and unproductive like it usually does.

Paul Collingwood should bowl a bit more

Paul Collingwood took 2-25 off his ten overs today. He should bowl more. He's a perfectly reasonable bowler and he's just the sort who thrives in one-day cricket - lots of variation, not much pace.

Sometimes in one-day cricket, it's a good idea to just change the bowling for the sake of it. It can take batsmen a couple of balls to settle. England are very prone to just using their five main bowlers, presumably on the grounds that if the main bowlers can't get wickets or stem the flow of runs, what hope have the part-timers got?

Ian Bell bowls a bit, as does Pietersen when he's fit. There's no shortage of candidates for a bit of a bowl.

Paul Collingwood takes England through to final

England played well!

Having lost early wickets, Andrew Strauss (in the middle order, as per the blue box) and Paul Collingwood pulled England back into the match and they eventually managed to set a decent total. Strauss hit 55 and Collingwood a worthy 106.

The start of New Zealand's innings was a familiar story as Saj Mahmood and Liam Plunkett served up a load of wides and other garbage. It was very familiar, but again England turned it around. Andrew Flintoff kept it tighter than a mouse's ear, without any luck wicket-wise - just the one. Monty Panesar continued to impress and Paul Collingwood, with confidence restored, bowled imaginatively and effectively.

Mahmood and Plunkett improved their figures in their second spells (bowling figures - they aren't bulimic). Plunkett even picked up three wickets.

England being England, they kept us guessing right up until the last, but with 19 needed off the last over, Saj Mahmood did the business - the business of conceding fewer than 19 runs off an over.

Having previously seen an individual one-day hundred as some kind of golden unicorn from space, England's batsmen have now produced two in two matches. Good stuff, Ed Joyce and Paul Collingwood.

Woo hoo. We get to lose to the Aussies again.

Paul Collingwood sees England home

Another hundred for Paul Collingwood. Another win for England. Do we fire up the unfettered optimism machine yet?

In many ways it was a magnificent win. At one point, Australia were 170-1 with bags of time remaining, but Monty Panesar got Ricky Ponting for 75 and Jamie Dalrymple got Matthew Hayden for 82. Andrew Flintoff subsequently took Mike Hussey's wicket and didn't let up for the tail. In the end, Australia got 252. Not a bad total at all, but they were all out, which was significant.

Brett Lee then came out firing, as always, and England were 15-3 before they knew it. Ian Bell and Paul Collingwood played with rare assurance however, taking the singles so generously offered by Ricky Ponting's field placings. Ian Bell profited from a laughable drop by Glenn McGrath that sent the surly birthday boy into a rage that may not yet have abated.

Bell departed for 65 and it was nervy until the final over, but Collingwood deserved to be on the winning side and finished on 120 not out, his second hundred in succession.

Competitiveness, know-how, calmness under pressure, a little bit of ginger and hundreds - that's what Paul Collingwood brings to a side.

Paul Collingwood again

Paul Collingwood AGAIN top-scored for England with 70. He also chipped in with a couple of wickets with his Steve Waugh-esque mix-it-up medium pace.

It's about time he got a better nickname than 'Colly'.

Paul Collingwood's captaincy comes on in leaps and bounds

The day before yesterday:



Aeroplane impressions. This is not good captaincy and England lose.

Yesterday:



Proper finger captaincy. That's how you captain a side - it's all in the fingers. England win.

Paul Collingwood - a captain who can bat?

Batting average before the captaincy versus batting average while captain. It's every English cricket writer's favourite statistic. See: Mike Atherton, Alec Stewart, Nasser Hussain, Michael Vaughan, Andrew Flintoff and just about anyone else who's ever tossed a coin for this great nation.

"Oh no, please, this cumbersome captaincy has rendered me overladen", they all cry. "Deciding whether to post a second gully yesterday has led me to spoon my third ball to mid-off again. Oh for those carefree days when I could just hum Eric Clapton tunes while standing at third slip."

Hopefully Paul Collingwood's thumping 80 off 41 balls in the Twenty20 last night is a sign that he'll be different.

Kevin Pietersen declares himself unavailable for the England one-day captaincy

We'd like to go on record, throwing our full support behind our number one man, Paul Collingwood.

We always said he was the best man for the England one-day captaincy.

Paul Collingwood hits a hundred at home

It was Paul Collingwood's first Test on his home ground of Chester-le-Street and he hit a hundred - which is only right. We all hit hundreds at home.

Of course Paul Collingwood had to deal with other people when he made his hundred at home. He wasn't either of the umpires, other people bowled at him, they actually tried to get him out and even more terrifyingly, there were multiple ways of getting out - not just by breaking the greenhouse, which was the ONLY way of getting out when we played at home.

All-in-all Paul Collingwood's 128 was perhaps superior to our own 507 not out from back in 1987. On that occasion we had cleverly used a sponge ball in order to combat the only potential method of dismissal.

That gargantuan innings was only cut short when, following a rain break, the sponge ball started spattering us with dirty rain water when we tried to hit it for six. Its super-absorbency had also rendered it heavy enough to threaten the greenhouse, so we felt threatened enough to declare.

England v West Indies, fourth Test, day four at Chester-le-Street
West Indies 287 (Shivnarine Chanderpaul 136 not out, Ryan Sidebottom 5-88)
England 400 (Paul Collingwood 128, Andrew Strauss 77, Matt Prior 62, Fidel Edwards 5-112)
West Indies 83-3 (Chris Gayle 52 not out)

Two things we love about Paul Collingwood

(1) He's unfathomably lucky

(2) He doesn't care about that fact and makes the most of his luck

Day two of the first Test, England v West Indies at Lord's:
England: 553-5 (Alastair Cook 105, Paul Collingwood 111, Ian Bell 109no, Matt Prior 126no)