Andrew Symonds defines the role of the opener

Australian man, Andrew Symonds of Australia quoted from the ABC website:

"Looking forward, I suppose there is a little bit of opening there," 31-year-old Symonds said of the openers. "A number of players are there."

We've taken that entirely out of context. It's more fun that way. Trust us.

Australian Man, Andrew Symonds of Australia gets Test nod

Australia have plumped for Australian man, Andrew Symonds of Australia over Adam Voges for the third Test in Perth that starts tonight, UK time.

Symonds has Test experience of course. Plus, he's more in keeping with Australia's new five bowler strategy, which hasn't actually surfaced so far in this Ashes series.

We say that Australian man, Andrew Symonds of Australia fits in with Australia's five bowler strategy, but only barely. The truth is that he's really just a fill-in bowler. He can take the odd wicket. He's respectable. He's Darren Lehmann standard, really.

He's not Darren Lehmann standard with the bat though. Lehmann's a batting emperor. Symonds would be some sort of high-ranking military man. Influential, but at a much lower echelon.

We've a great deal of time for Symonds as a one-day player. He's a six-hitter of the purest form and the kind of indeterminate bowler who seems to prosper in that form of the game. In Test cricket, we're not so sure.

Having said that, Damien Martyn had been a walking wicket, so he hasn't exactly weakened the Australia team.

Curse you Hayden; curse you Symonds

So England are getting battered. Andrew Symonds, who we like, but don't rate as a Test player, has scored 154 not out and thus made us look stupid. Matthew Hayden, who we don't rate and hugely, undeniably, steadfastly DO NOT like hit 153 and made us incandescent with rage.

One of the only joys during this series has been watching Aussie 'legends' drop like flies (they're not legends, because you can be certain that they exist). Damien Martyn went. Warne's going. McGrath's going. Matthew Hayden was scratching round like the next Mark Lathwell. Maybe he would go and at a fantastically low ebb as well. It doesn't look like it'll be that way.

Of course on the other hand, this is probably the kind of innings that will convince Hayden that he's still 'got it' and he can therefore continue his humiliation for another year - if the selectors permit him. What he's really got is a Michelin Man torso and a divine gift for talking bollocks.

England 159 all out
Australia 372-7