Faintly Underwhelming Steve Harmison

We're not a sports graduate or an ECB cricket coach, like this guy, but we're fairly certain that international bowlers should know where the ball's going. We're absolutely positive that second slip shouldn't be in any danger.

We stayed up to watch the Ashes like the good writing-about-cricket-every-day-person that we are. We made it until tea before all the caffeine wore off. Earlier, as the first ball was about to be bowled, we were literally on the edge of our seat. We were secretly quite pleased that England had lost the toss, because our fantasy about Steve Harmison knocking over the Australian top order could still happen. Steve Harmison ran in and bowled the most monstrous wide you're ever likely to see.

Don't get us wrong. We love Steve Harmison. That's why he plays such a major part in our Day One of the Ashes Fantasy. We're just pissed off that he ruined it.

We don't much care whether it's nerves, rhythm, falling away in the delivery stride or a poor wrist position. We don't even care if it's because the Gabba's infested with Wombles and they kept surfacing underneath him during his run-up. All we care about is that England players are ready to perform at the best of their abilities. Frankly, there are enough staff down there to ensure this happens.

Who knows, maybe Destructive Steve Harmison will replace Faintly Underwhelming Steve Harmison tomorrow. All we're saying is we'd like to see a lot less of the latter.

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Wednesday, May 02, 2012

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Anonymous harrowdrive said...

As the sports graduate in question I can confirm 100% that ball is known in sport science circles as utterly crap.

8:06 pm  
Anonymous Jonny said...

Damn you, Cricket King blog person.

I read your posts, I thought a win was possible, then you brought out the sage-cats, and a win seemed certain. Now, I’m starting to mumble to myself on the way to the station again, just like I did in the glory years of Atherton and Hussein.

England are crap again. Our best batsman is Bell, and he’s useless. Our best bowler has been dropped, and our second-best bowler is about to get injured. The Ozzies, as usual, are killing us.

This is all obvious, but the worst thing is, you gave me belief. I started to believe in the lies. Why did you do this to me? Why?

10:08 am  

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