The Rob Key situation reaches crisis point

Those of you who’ve been keeping up to date with the scores in the County Championship will be aware of the horrifying fact that Rob Key hasn’t yet scored a hundred. Yesterday he played onto his stumps for 28 and it occurred to us that maybe the Rob Key situation had reached crisis point.

With Alastair Cook taking his place in the England team along with Paul Collingwood and Ian Bell and Owais Shah lining up behind them, our hero has fallen quite some way down the queue. So we’ve come up with an action plan. It’s so simple we don’t know why we didn’t come up with it sooner. It was staring us in the face. Perhaps it was just too obvious. Rob Key has to get back into the Test team. This is how:

Rob Key must score a quintuple century.

Nobody can ignore a batsman who goes past 500 in a first-class match. Breaking Brian Lara’s record of 501 would make up for Rob Key’s lack of hundreds so far and it would send his batting average sky-high. At a stroke he would leapfrog everyone and earn a place in the England side. Then he could set about scoring some Test match hundreds convincing everyone of his genius.

This plan must be executed without delay. Does anybody have any idea – any idea at all – how we can go about doing this?

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