Flat pitch! Flat pitch!

Over a thousand runs have been scored in the India-Pakistan Test for the loss of just seven wickets.

Saurav Ganguly must be champing at the bit, but we don’t think that Sehwag or Dravid have any intention of getting out.

Steve Harmison’s place in the King Cricket top ten is now in jeopardy. Having started the week at number nine, Afridi has overtaken him and Virender Sehwag is hovering at his shoulder.

If we were fair, we’d probably promote Sehwag on the strength of the second fastest double hundred of all time (after Nathan Astle’s staggering effort which we should really write about one day).

However – and this is important – we’re not fair. We’re biased. Much as we love Virender Sehwag, we love Steven Harmison more…for now.

We hope that Steve Harmison bowls Sehwag time and again in the England-India series so that we don’t have to do something we don’t want to do. We don’t like doing things we don’t want to do. We sulk. Sometimes we hide, but usually we sulk.

Oh and a quick ‘hello’ to all the journalists who said that England lost the Test series against Pakistan because they couldn’t adapt to slow-paced, attritional cricket. This current match has featured some stultifying batting, eh?

That’s a picture of a spirit level, by the way. It was meant as a comment on the flatness of the Lahore pitch. We’re not very impressed with it either.