England dull it up to the max.

England announced their squads for the tour of India today. We can't get too worked up about them.

To save you the trouble of reading them, we will provide you with the newsworthy inclusions and omissions.

Shaun Udal is in the Test squad thanks to his complete inability to take any wickets in Pakistan.

James Anderson isn't in the Test squad because the selectors want to grind him into the dirt to test his resilence. Then they want him to stand in front of all his old schoolmates and teachers and drop his trousers. Then and only then will he be considered for England's Test team. We think he's great.

Vikram Solanki is not in the one-day squad.

An extra spinner will be added to the Test squad nearer the time. Expect Monty Panesar to make the grade despite neither he nor previous spare spinner, Alex Loudon, having played a game since the last tour squad was selected.

Following Monty Panesar's selection, expect to read lots of stories about how he's a great spinner but that he can't bat or field. To save proper journalists the trouble of writing about this, simply search for old editorials about Phil Tufnell and just read 'Monty Panesar' instead of 'Phil Tufnell' in each of those ancient stories.

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Friday, January 13, 2006

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