Holy Crap: Matthew Hoggard

'Holy Crap' is an occasional feature that we're going to do where we make an unlikely assertion about a player and then back it up with statistics, like the spin doctors do (not the band who had a hit with 'Two Princes', the other kind). As a dismissive caller to a phone-in once said: You can prove anything with facts.

Today's feature is: Holy crap, Matthew Hoggard's a strike bowler.

Matthew Hoggard is inevitably described by proper cricket journalists as 'dogged' and 'willing'. In fact it is part of the British cricket media's code of practice that all writers must refer to him as a 'yeoman'. The image we have is of Hoggard with his 'farm labourers gait' toiling into the wind and waging a war of attrition against opposing batsmen. A quick hand count of cricket journalists who've taken a Test match hat-trick please... Matthew Hoggard has.

A bowler's strike rate is how many balls it takes them to get a wicket on average. I have included several great bowlers from history and their strike rates, starting with Matthew Hoggard. Matthew Hoggard takes a wicket slightly more regularly than once every nine overs.

53.71, Matthew Hoggard
53.75, Imran Khan
54.27, Wes Hall
54.57, Curtly Ambrose
54.65, Wasim Akram

Contemporary bowlers trailing in Hoggard's wake include: Steve Harmison, Andrew Flintoff, Muttiah Muralitharan and Shane Warne.

And so, backed up by facts that are true and words that are about the facts, we say:

Holy crap! Matthew Hoggard's a strike bowler!

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Thursday, January 12, 2006


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5 Comments:

Anonymous Kathy said...

Last year, most English cricket writers couldn't say the word ``Hoggard'', or ``Giles'' either, without putting ``yeoman'' in front of it. It's very tiresome and I couldn't figure out what they meant. What do they mean? Ordinary? Under 90m/h? Not tall enough? Didn't get enough wickets? Not sexy enough? Well, the last two certainly aren't true.

And if Hoggard walks like a farmer, then what does Harmison walk like, a gorilla? A friendly, Geordie gorilla of course.

3:03 am  
Blogger Blue and Brown said...

Do players of other nations ever get tainted with the 'yeoman' brush? And yes, there is such a brush.

6:54 pm  
Anonymous harrowdrive said...

It's because he is from YORKSHIRE-SHIRE. No Tyke seamer can escape the labelling of being honest hardworking ex-miners with a ruddy disposition.

8:49 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

matthew hoggard is the best swing bowler on the planet

6:29 pm  
Anonymous random said...

One, two, princes kneel before you
(thats what I said, now)
Princes, princes who adore you
(just go ahead, now)
One has diamonds in his pockets
(that sounds great, now)
This one, said he wants to buy you lockets
(aint in his head, now)

This one, he got a princely racket
(thats what I said, now)
Got some big seal upon his jacket
(aint in his head, now)
Marry him, your father will condone you
(how bout that, now)
Marry me, your father will disown you
(hell eat his hat, now)

Aww, marry him or marry me,
Im the one that loves you b baby cant you see?
Aint got no future or a family tree,
But I know what a prince and lover ought to be,
I know what a prince and lover ought to be....

Said, if you want to call me baby
(just go ahead, now)
An if youd like to tell me maybe
(just go ahead, now)
An if you wanna buy me flowers
(just go ahead, now)
And if youd like to talk for hours
(just go ahead, now)

Said, one, two, princes kneel before you
(thats what I said, now)
Princes, princes who adore you
(just go ahead, now)
One has diamonds in his pockets
(that sounds great, now)
This one, he wants to buy you lockets
(aint in his head, now)

Marry him or marry me,
Im the one that loves you baby cant you see?
Aint got no future or a family tree,
But I know what a prince and lover ought to be,
I know what a prince and lover ought to be....

Said, if you want to call me baby
(just go ahead, now)
An if youd like to tell me maybe
(just go ahead, now)
If you wanna buy me flowers
(just go ahead, now)
And if youd like to talk for hours
(just go ahead, now)
And if you want to call me baby
(just go ahead, now)
An if youd like to tell me maybe
(just go ahead, now)
If youd like buy me flowers
(just go ahead, now)
And if youd like to talk for hours
(just go ahead, now)

Said, if you want to call me baby

(just go ahead, now)

An if youd like to tell me maybe

(just go ahead, now)

If you wanna buy me flowers

(just go ahead, now)

And if youd like to talk for hours

(just go ahead, now)

Ohh baby

(just go ahead now) repeat to fade..

2:42 pm  

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