Rob Key smashes 120 v Hampshire

Take that, Shane Warne!

Take that, Stuart Clark!

Rob Key is living up to his billing this year. After flaying a hundred against Durham and a one-day hundred against Surrey, Rob's added another hundred against Hampshire.

Except for all the ducks and twos and fives he's like a hundred-making MACHINE. He's quite simply unstoppable - at least he was until Dimitri Mascarenhas drifted one into his pads. That rather cut him short.

One prominent cricket expert was moved to comment:

"Not since Wally Hammond scored successive double hundreds against the Australians in 1928 have I seen batting of that class. It was like he was on a different plane of existence; a plane of existence where the boundaries are much shorter and the ball doesn't do a lot.

"If I had the strength, I'd carry that boy back to my home on my own back and instruct him to gorge on crumpets and ham until he'd had his fill. He deserves no less.

"Unfortunately, what with the ankylosing spondylitis and all, I'll have to get my wife to do the carrying. He'll still enjoy the ham though - of that I am certain."

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Rob Key flays a hundred v Durham - Hot Jesus!

'Hot Jesus' is an exclamation we've just invented. It's so powerful and heartfelt that it can only ever apply to a Rob Key hundred and NOTHING ELSE.

It's times like this we're glad that we've got a cricket website, so that we can pollute the internet with campaigns to get Rob Key into the England side. Finally this website can revel in its true calling.

Rob Key for England Action Plan:

(1) Invite readers to submit Rob Key songs in the comments of this older post. Suggested key phrases - 'pies', 'deity', 'almost-baby'.

(2) Republish our request for readers to send us a nice picture of Rob Key with a halo; or on a throne; or with a backdrop of fire or something; because we didn't get any entrants last time. To reiterate: We WILL be pleased with whatever you send us. Even if it's shit.

(3) Stand naked in England's Chairman of Selectors, David Graveney's bedroom throughout the night, repeatedly chanting 'pick Rob Key or you'll contract jaundice'. We're not sure why we need to be naked for that, but better safe than sorry.

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