Ricky Ponting and Adam Gilchrist are OLD

Don't believe their clothes. Ricky Ponting's 31 and Adam Gilchrist's nearly 35. Despite their appearance here, they actually aren't American teenagers.

They're not fooling anybody anyway. Ponting in particular. That's a frickin' Thundercats T-shirt he's wearing OVER THE TOP of his jumper. In our world the smaller garment remains concealed. Also in our world, we wear cardigans - and we're younger than either Ponting or Gilchrist.

They should stop kidding themselves and break out the flat caps and brogues. Now there's a shoe you can set your watch by.

Matthew Hayden pleads with team mates to act their age

That's Hayden in the middle. Having previously reconciled himself to the ageing process, Hayden is now trying to persuade his teammates to be just as accepting, but to no avail.

Just because you're sportsmen doesn't mean you're young enough to wear tracksuits or, heaven forbid, sunglasses on your head. That's strike two against Gilchrist and Ponting. You're both well into your thirties. There's no shame in a sensible pair of action slacks and a turtle-necked woolly jumper, you know.

They could be wearing those clothes because they're extra comfy, we suppose, but it's unlikely. They look to be a bit of a snug fit and have an air of trendiness which is entirely inappropriate.

Damien Martyn joins the campaign to persuade Gilchrist and Ponting that they're middle-aged

That's Damien Martyn in the middle. He's saying: 'Come on guys. Enough's enough. I've two nice, comfy armchairs with your names on, back at the home. I'll put the kettle on and you can have a bit of a doze. Someone'll wake you up mid-afternoon and we can have a game of bowls'.

We will quite simply NEVER TIRE of publishing pictures of Australian cricketers standing next to people who are older than they are and saying that the older-looking person is a team mate. It's the best game ever invented.

Ricky Ponting spurns the follow-on

Is it 2006 or 1996? The team of resilient battlers crafted by Hussain and transformed into world-beaters by Vaughan is nowhere to be seen. In its place we've got a load of insipid ringers.

Don't give up hope yet, though. We're sure it takes longer than five days to dismantle so much good work. These players have pride and though it may seem unlikely at present, more than a little class. They'll come good before this series is out. We only hope that it's soon. Very soon.

Some people seem baffled by Ricky Ponting's decision to decline to enforce the follow-on. We don't think it's a bad move. Psychologically, he's crushing England. In fact, psychologically, he's crushing us. We already have to stare into a bright light for six hours a day to combat the misery of a British winter. Before long we'll have to devise a special plinth so we can sit the sun on the bridge of our nose for 24 hours a day.

The ease of Australia's batting sandwiched between what may turn out to be two atrocious England innings will remove the argument that the pitch deteriorated. But mostly he wants to ensure that his bowlers get the most out of the new ball. This seems to be our theme for this match: Using the new ball well. It's no coincidence that England wasted it and conceded 600, whereas Australia made the most of every ball and knocked England over.

If Australia had enforced the follow-on, McGrath, Lee and Clark would have been about 90% and that could have made a difference. As it is, they'll put their feet up, sleep soundly and come out tomorrow raring to go.

Ponting's leaving nothing to chance.

The future of one-day cricket?

In a recent press conference, Ricky Ponting described Australia's batting line-up as a glimpse into the future of one-day cricket. What he meant was that since the inclusion of Cameron White, virtually all of Australia's batsmen were strong six-hitters.

Australians in particular seem to be convinced that this is the future of one-day cricket, ever since their startling defeat at the hands of South Africa when they'd set them 435 to win.

We disagree. In a one-day match today, England were bowled out for 155, Australia's big-hitters floundered and it was left to Mike Hussey to see them home for the loss of six wickets. There'll always be matches like this. Every side has to have room for a player who recognises when singles are a valuable commodity.

Ricky Ponting's 'future of one-day cricket' increasingly sounds like balls

A week or so ago, Ricky Ponting pronounced that a batting line-up of six-hitters was 'the future of one-day cricket'. Two days ago, we revealed that as being complete testicles.

Today we underline how right we are and how wrong Ricky Ponting is. Australia beat New Zealand. The top-scorers were Michael Clarke and entirely predictably, Mike Hussey - Australia's two least six-happy batsmen. Okay, Hussey managed one six, but still.

Don't think for a minute that you've heard the last of this. We'll still be boring the arse of you with it when Robo-Ponting 9000 lifts the six-hitting World Cup in 2050.

Ricky Ponting's captaincy

After a cricket match, the focus is always on who was the best batsman and who was the best bowler. People often overlook the importance of fielding.

We all know that dropped catches can cost games, but it's more than that. A large part of Australia's long-term dominance has revolved around making the opposition batsmen feel uncomfortable and pressured. They do this through the fields they set and the way those fielders act (and what they say).

We've previously gone on record as saying that bowler's win matches and overall, we still stand by that. However, we reckon that if it weren't for Glenn McGrath's missed catch, or a later missed run-out, Australia would have won today's match.

We also believe that Australia would have won if Ricky Ponting had set a more challenging field while Ian Bell and Paul Collingwood were rebuilding England's innings. He gave them singles and prevented boundaries when he should have prevented them rotating the strike, challenging them to find the fence.

Another of our beliefs is that you can't make statements about what might have happened, because you can never know. Feel free to unread this update in your own time. We'll leave you with a single line that can stand:

What the fielding side does is important.

7 - Ricky Ponting

We didn’t want to include him, but he’s really good. He recently scored a hundred in each innings of his hundredth Test.