Twenty20 finals day 2007

Twenty20 finals day confirmed our belief that the entire tournament, indeed the whole of cricket, is merely a vehicle to showcase the skills of one man, one magical phenomenon - Mr Robert Key.

In the first semi final, Lancashire gave up on defending what they considered a meagre total very early on and were battered by Gloucestershire. Lancashire's score turned out to be the second-highest of the day.

In the second semi final, Rob Key achieved the unthinkable - he turned round a Twenty20 match. Popular knowlege decrees that once you're on the back foot in a Twenty20 match, you stay there. Rob Key turned this misconception ON ITS HEAD.

He defied this assumption and ACHIEVED THE IMPOSSIBLE, as only he can. Sussex were cruising at 60-0 off hardly any overs at all, but captaincy from another plane of existence limited them to 140 all out. Rob followed this with a display of batting that was quite literally unprecedented in the modern era, 62 sumptuous, unbeaten runs to take Kent into the final.

In the final against Gloucestershire, Rob spirited a hat trick out of dependable-if-unspectacular South African all-rounder, Ryan McLaren. We believe that Ryan later put his achievement down to 'the great man's mere presence', but we can't substantiate this story.

Rob was cruelly robbed of his chance to hit the winning runs by a lamentable umpiring decision, but he retained a serene dignity as he flapped around the outfield on his way off the pitch, swearing and throwing his bat over the rope.

As with the Ashes series in 2005 and the World Cup final and any other widely-viewed cricketing competition of note, the denouement was played out amid scenes of high farce as the match was won with a boundary off a no-ball, leading to the stuttering hum of crowd confusion as they all discussed how it was two for a no-ball, so actually Kent must have won. Kent's semi final was decided in equally drama-free fashion.

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