Zimbabwe get soundly beaten

Bangladesh beat Zimbabwe. This is good. Ordinarily Bangladesh would have been in the post title, but we're expanding our vocabulary by using Zimbabwe as the subject for any number of 'get beaten' synonyms.

In fact we've not really got much to add to that. Our man Saqibul Hasan took 3-18 off ten overs in bowling Zimbabwe out for 130 in response to Bangladesh's 231. Shariar Nafees hit 123.

Mark Vermeulen's mental

This morning Mark Vermeulen had been arrested regarding the arson attack on the Zimbabwe Cricket Academy. Now he's been charged. He burnt down their academy. Why?

For those of you who maybe don't know him, Mark Vermeulen is an international cricketer. He plays for Zimbabwe. He's an international cricketing pyromaniac. He's a pyromaniacal international cricketer. He's a mental.

Earlier in the year he was banned from Lancashire cricket for three years (two suspended) after a bizarre hissy fit during a league match, which culminated in his throwing first a cricket ball and then a boundary marker at a spectator who'd annoyed him. One of his teammates had to drag him away.

His Cricinfo profile highlights another, more low-key, but even more petty incident, where he took the stumps in with him when given out lbw and subsequently locked himself in the changing rooms. He was 17 at the time. Not three. 17.

Mental.

Andy Flower v South Africa, 142 and 199 not out - 10 Great Innings

Okay, so that's two innings, but he was only out once, so... Who cares? We wanted Andy Flower in and this was his best batting, even if it did take place over two innings.

It was two innings of the same match though. In Zimbabwe's first innings, having already kept wicket for 139 overs as South Africa made 600-3 declared, Andy Flower hit 142 runs out of Zimbabwe's total of 286. In the second innings, after Zimbabwe had followed-on, he did even better, making 199 not out in a total of 391.

Alistair Campbell kept wicket for Zimbabwe in the second innings. Presumably Andy Flower was a little bit weary after doing the work of ten men.

Zimbabwe lost the match by nine wickets. Has there ever been a finer performance in such an overwhelming defeat? John Ward, writing for Cricinfo, described Flower during this match as 'a giant among pygmies'. More like a whole army of giants, standing on top of each other beneath a gargantuan coat, pretending to be one, huge uber-giant - among pygmy children. But we suppose that's not so catchy.

That was Andy Flower and Andy Flower's career all over. He was one of the all-time greats and it's all the more impressive for his having being in such a crap team. Let's all pretend that we'd be just like Andy Flower if we were in the same position, even though we clearly wouldn't. We'd just moan about how rubbish everyone else was, then get out for a duck, then sulk.

10 Great Innings

This is Jeremy Bray - he had a good day yesterday

Ireland tied with Zimbabwe. Yes, that's right - tied. It doesn't happen all that often.

Congratulations to Ireland on a splendid performance. Jeremy Bray in particular who hit 115 not out. Jeremy Bray has a painfully short first-class record, considering that he played for Australia under-19s. He actually played for New South Wales briefly, but shortly afterwards moved to Ireland with his girlfriend who returned to see her seriously ill father.

On that basis, he sounds like a selfless sort of chap and as we know virtually nothing else about him, that's the way we're going to depict him. So let's all give Jeremy Bray a hearty slap on the back. For once, this is his day. Or rather yesterday was.

Zimbabwe needed 15 off 36 balls with four wickets intact. We're slightly torn between our desire to credit Ireland with a fantastic fightback and our equally strong desire to say that Zimbabwe are shit.

Let's just say that it was a true team performance by Ireland. The lower order supported Bray magnificently, helping Ireland to 221-9 after being 89-5. Then, in the field, seven wickets were shared between six bowlers and there were three run-outs.

Maybe it's just because it's Friday and the sun's shining and we've already finished all our work for the week, but this Ireland performance has gladdened our cold, stony, unfeeling heart.

Ireland v Zimbabwe

Have we just found ourself in the hitherto unexperienced position of supporting Ireland at something?

If Ireland beat Zimbabwe it'll be one more step along the road to the ICC ceasing to humour Zimbabwe by saying: 'Yes, you can play Test cricket again in a year - you'll have improved by then', when they clearly won't have improved at all.

Maybe then, nations like Kenya, who actually seem interested in cricket, can get a little bit more support in Zimbabwe's place.

Zimbabwe Players Postpone Strike

Zimbabwe’s players have postponed their strike, causing the nation to temporarily abort its ongoing experiment as to how bad a team can possibly be without being given a letter by the ICC to take home to its mum.