Jaffa Cake shame deepens

Following our revelations about the astounding quantities of fat contained within England's official sports snack, the Jaffa Cake, we've received further horrifying news on the subject.

Goldenarm contacted us to add the following:

"As I discovered recently to my shock and revulsion, Jaffa Cakes contain no orange whatsoever. The filling is apricot jam with tangerine oil. Surely these confectionary impostors should be banned from our cricket fields for the sweet-biscuit equivalent of chucking?

"Note: The packaging, I am told, describes them cunningly as "orangey" rather than making any loose claims to their actually being orange biscuits..."

Is there no depth to which the Jaffa Cake will not plumb? How can it possibly bear the shame?

Jaffa Cakes as sports snack - a shocking exposé

As you're all aware, Jaffa Cakes are the official sports snack of the England cricket team. In promoting the humble Jaffa Cake as a sports snack, the ECB cited the fact that each Jaffa Cake contains only 1g of fat.

We wondered out loud whether this was actually a significant percentage, as Jaffa Cakes aren't all that big. Well now we have our answer - thanks to SCIENCE!

Special correspondent, The Scientician has carried out an actual, real-life, scientific experiment. He has found out 'how heavy' a Jaffa Cake is. Once we know 'how heavy' a Jaffa Cake is, we can calculate the percentage of it that is fat, because we already know that a Jaffa Cake contains 1g of fat.



This is the England-branded packet of Jaffa Cakes. There's Paul Collingwood on the left. We bet he likes Jaffa Cakes, otherwise why would he agree to appear on the packet?



Here's one of the Jaffa Cakes being extracted in scientific fashion. Rule one of science: Always wear gloves.



Here's the first Jaffa Cake. It's 11.78 grams. Maybe it would be 12 if it weren't for that tweezer mark. In terms of the experiment, that tweezer mark is 'not significant'.



Here's the second Jaffa Cake. It's 11.79 grams. In scientific terms that's 'very close to the other one'.



Here's the third and final Jaffa Cake. It's a whopper. It's 13.13 grams.



Here's a picture of no Jaffa Cake at all. We're not sure why The Scientician took this picture. Perhaps he's showing us that his 'how heavy' device works correctly. Or perhaps he's showing us that he has consumed 3g of fat via the Jaffa Cakes.

So the mean mass of these three Jaffa Cakes is 12.23 grams. That means that a Jaffa Cake is 8.2% fat. That sounds a lot.

If England fail to win the World Cup and appear sluggish and oversized, you know who to blame.

Shame on the rest of you for not; working in laboratories; always carrying cameras; coincidentally having a packet of Jaffa Cakes; flouting laboratory health and safety; and having nothing better to do.

Jaffa Cakes - official energy snack to the England cricket team

We're no nutritionist, but are jaffa cakes really recommended for sportspersons?

According to the ECB's press release:

"Jaffa cakes ... are often eaten by sports men and women due to the high-energy credentials and the fact each cake has only 1g of fat."

Well, considering that Kevin Pietersen settles his pre-innings nerves with about eight cans of the ludicrously over-caffeinated drink, Red Bull, maybe World Cup drinks breaks may feature the Jaffa Cake. England's cricketers maybe aren't as diet conscious as they might be.

We rather suspect that the Jaffa-Cake-as-sport-snack line was the only way they could link cricket to Jaffa Cakes though.

They should have said that Jaffa Cakes are widely used to mark out the fielding restrictions during the power plays. Or that bowlers use them for marking the start of their run-ups.

Also, while we think about it, 1g of fat? Just how heavy IS a Jaffa Cake? That sounds like a fair percentage to us.

Jaffa Cakes reveal their target market following link-up with England cricket team

"This on-pack promotion with the England cricket team will prove really popular with Jaffa Cake-loving cricket fans." - Mark Sugden, customer marketing director at United Biscuits.