Inzamam stands firm

Tell you who wouldn't have buckled like a belt during Australia's final day assault at Adelaide: Inzamam-ul-Haq. There's a man who doesn't panic under pressure. 'Why panic,' he asks, 'when I could just stand here and hit cricket balls for a bit?'

Whether it's supreme mental conditioning or just the fact that he can't be bothered expending the energy, Inzamam-ul-Haq never flaps. Today Pakistan bowled out the Windies for 151 and then did their utmost to make a game of it when they batted themselves. They lost eight wickets, but Inzy saw them home with 42 not out.

When the Martians come to get us, we hope that Inzy's the King of the world. We need someone in power who'll treat the whole thing as a non-event.

Inzamam-ul-Haq holds his balls

Sometimes you don't need a clever caption.

Inzy's final one-day innings

Inzy was just dismissed for 37 off 35 balls in his final one-day innings. The crowd gave him a standing ovation, the Zimbabweans applauded him and the rest of the Pakistan team gave him a guard of honour.

Why is everyone in the world of cricket trying to make us cry at the moment? We hate emotion. We're only familiar with emotions like 'angry' and 'hungry'.

We're going to ignore this and concentrate on something else. Our tea's not ready and we know how we feel about THAT.

Inzamam-ul-Haq retires from one-day internationals

Inzamam's fitter than he looks. You don't get to play 377 (soon to be 378) one-day internationals, score 10 hundreds and 83 fifties and play until you're 37 by being a fat bugger who doesn't like practicing or running between the wickets. Or do you?

Never forget that Inzy played a crucial role when Pakistan won the World Cup. You might think his one-day career's been a relative failure - in the last World Cup he made about three runs in the entire tournament and this one's been even worse, one way and another - but overall, he's got a lot to be proud of.

In the semi final of the 1992 World Cup, Inzy hit 60 off 37 balls batting at six (before being run out, obviously) as Pakistan successfully chased down New Zealand's 262 with an over to spare. That was a masterful innings under intense pressure. In the final he swatted 42 from 35 balls to bolster Pakistan's score - one which they successfully defended.

It's a shame he's going out on such a low, but it's hardly surprising that Inzy's retiring. At least it should give Pakistan a chance to find a new middle-order batsman to fill the huge hole he'll leave in the Test team. Hopefully his Test career will end in a more appropriate fashion.

Anyone who doesn't love Inzy is no friend of ours.

Here's our favourite Inzamam run-out story. Everybody's got one.

India v Pakistan, second one-dayer

India v Pakistan or Pakistan v India? The matches are taking place in Abu Dhabi, so we're not sure. We've gone alphabetically.

In the first match, India were all out for only 197 and Pakistan overhauled that with few alarms. In this match, India posted 269-5 and it was Pakistan's turn to crumble. They were eventually all out for 218, despite a masterful innings from Inzamam-ul-Haq. He's one of those players who can play when all around him is falling apart. His 79 sustained hope until he was run out.

We once watched Pakistan against Australia in the World Cup at Headingley. We remember the then Yousuf Youhana standing calmly at one end as a throw came in from the boundary. He looked behind him and was quite surprised to see Inzy standing at the same end, not moving a muscle, presumably not even saying: 'Hey - I'm at the same end. You'd better run.'

Everyone's got a favourite Inzamam run-out story.

8 - Inzamam-ul-Haq

Once waded into the crowd to try and hit a spectator with his bat because they called him Aloo (potato) just like everyone else in the world does.

Runs people out for fun. Doesn’t bother with anything as mundane as practice. Bats like someone who doesn’t know what all the fuss is about – even when there’s a really big fuss.

Looks like a big cuddly bear, unlike Matthew “Ain’t-Even-Seen-The-Top-Ten” Hayden, who looks like the kind of bear who likes eating human faces.