Urgently needed: Matthew Hayden quotes that make him sound like a bastard

We're still easing ourself back into the King Cricket hot seat. What better way than to find a quote by Matthew Hayden, take it out of context and make him sound either stupid, arrogant, stupid, very stupid or stupid?

Unfortunately, the best we can find is him describing Andrew Flintoff as "a bloody remarkable character". That's no good.

This follows on from a dream we had the night before last. In it we were having a few beers at a barbecue with a number of Australia's retired or soon-to-be-retired.

Damien Martyn was a little bit aloof and creeped us out with those eyes of his, so we spent most of our time with Hayden, which was a bit awkward, because he knew all of the mean things we'd said about him.

We persuaded him that those particular updates could have been about anyone and that really he was no more than a pantomime villain. He accepted our feeble excuse like the gullible no-mark he is. Then he told us lots of truly fascinating things about his experiences facing the finest bowlers in the world - really detailed stuff. We hung on his ever word.

We awoke feeling very conflicted. Please send irritating quotes so that we can settle back down to hating him without question.