India v England - third Test, day one

It's a start. 272-3 looks pretty darn impressive, but to win this match England are going to need a few more.

We've never called for the dropping of Andrew Strauss, but we have been disappointed with his winter form, so 128 here felt like a bonus.

One of the weirdest terrace chants we've ever heard championed Andrew Strauss. It was delivered by one solitary, near-lethally intoxicated, fat, shirtless, middle-aged fan at Old Trafford. It was sung to the tune of Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division and referred to Strauss's Waltz.

It went: "Straaauuss. He will waltz you around. Again." To truly replicate the effect you should ever-so-slightly gurgle the 'Strauss' part as you would if you were overburdened with phlegm. You should also sing the chant a capella, throughout the afternoon, to the general ambivalence and mild amusement of your fellow spectators. Nobody should join in and you should never. Ever. Stop. Finally, you should have the look of someone who would never have heard of Johann Strauss or Joy Division, let alone both.

We're a fan of Owais Shah's as well, so we weren't all that disappointed to hear of Alastair Cook's illness. Shah eventually had to retire on 50 due to hand cramps, but he should be back at some point tomorrow.

England should be aiming for a seriously big total, but there's every chance that early wickets will put that beyond them. If that happens expect the energy to visibly sap out of them and India to storm home.

Team-wise, Udal's playing which is a colossal disappointment, albeit an expected one, but to offset that, James Anderson's playing. We're enjoying actually having opinions these days, so we're going to say that James Anderson will win this game for England.

Alastair Cook and Andrew Strauss can bat together

Who'd have thought it? Alastair Cook and Andrew Strauss CAN score runs in Australia. Strauss was out for 88 in England's tour game against Western Australia, but Cook's still there, on 106 at the time of writing. Which is early. We can't sleep.

Andrew Strauss needs a few runs

England's batsmen are scoring runs for fun. All except Andrew Strauss.

In his last 13 innings since the start of the Ashes, he's passed 50 once. In fact, he didn't pass it. He got a round 50 in the first innings in Melbourne.

Since that 50 his scores have been 31, 29, 24, 33, 24 and 15. These aren't the scores of an opening batsman being a victim of the new ball. These are the scores of a batsman not pushing on.

You've got to push on. If you're a batsman, this is the process in full: Play yourself in. Push on to 50. 'Convert' your 50 to a hundred. Get a 'big score' or a 'big hundred'. See it like a football.

We think you only 'see it like a football' once you've passed 150. Maybe it's after 158, which would explain KP's tendency to get out on that score.