We Still Don't Play For England

Last night we thought that we were bowling at hypocritical God-squadder Matthew Hayden in the Ashes.

We had a decent shout for LBW against him, although it was probably drifting down leg-side. When we turned round to appeal, we realised that the umpire was Spider-man.

Spider-man is not one of the ICC’s select band of Test umpires, so we knew that we were dreaming and weren’t really an international cricketer.

We were sad for a bit, but then we remembered that Matthew Hayden had been scoring heaps of runs and therefore England had an easy wicket come the next Ashes. Now we’re happy again.